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Will Mobile Phones Destroy the Earth?

 Scenes like this could become commonplace 1st April 2007
Upated 1200GMT (see below)

A shock report out this week will show that mobile phones present a bigger threat to the environment than anyone has imagined - in fact, it states that continued use of mobile handsets will lead to the extinction of all life on Earth.

The claim seems outrageous, but it is backed by solid scientific prove that shows that the next text message you send could be responsible for the end of civilisation as we know it.

The work by Professor Frühling Dummkopf of the Luton Institute of Astronomical Research is the first in its field, and it examines the interaction of small bodies such as asteroids, meteors and comets in close earth orbit with the effective of the electromagnetic fields generated by modern cellular devices.

We interviewed Professor Dummkopf about these claims in a Mobile Gazette exclusive.

MG: Professor Dummkopf - it seems to us that mobile phones are very tiny things and asteroids are quite big things that are a very long way away. Are you saying that the two can interact?

Professor: Yes, although of course it takes more than one mobile phone to destroy the earth!

MG: So, explain the problem for the benefit of our readers.

Professor: It is really very simple. Most asteroids are primarily carbonaceous or silicaceous with a much smaller number of metallic asteroids. Out of this last group, a number of objects seemed to be anomalous.

MG: Such as?

 DummkopfProfessor: Well, 21 Lutetia is probably one you've heard of. That one had been puzzling us for a long time because we couldn't classify it.. however careful observation and research has lead us to believe that it is primarily made from a crystalline Scandium based alloy which forms remarkably regular superlattices that measure 0.3331 metres across, so you can see the problem straight away.

MG: Go on.

Professor: Well of course, 0.3331 metres is the wavelength of a signal broadcast at 900 MHz. And it's twice the wavelength of a signal broadcast at 1800 MHz. These are the most common frequencies used by mobile phones. Put simply, we discovered that the structure of the superlattice "tuned in" to mobile phone signals.

MG: So aliens are listening to our phone conversations?

Professor: That would be silly, but what we did discover is that the resonance of the radio signals is causing electromagnetic induction in bodies such as 21 Lutetia which has the effect of shifting their orbits. That orbital shift is actually towards the earth. You could say the the earth has been charged up like a giant magnet and is pulling the bodies towards us.

MG: You said bodies, do you mean that there's more than one?

Professor: Yes, in fact [mobile phone rings] Sorry, I'd better get this. Hello? Yes, I'll be home at about seven o'clock. Yes, pasta will be fine. I've got to go. Errr.. where were we.. oh yes, we think that about 0.01% of small bodies in the solar system exhibit this property. That doesn't sound like much, but there are between one and two million bodies over one kilometre in size.. so that's about one or two hundred objects, some of which will be quite close to us. And 21 Lutetia is about 100 kilometres across. If that hits, then basically the earth is toast.

MG: So we're all going to die?

Professor: Yes.

MG: So there's no chance you are wrong?

Professor: We don't think so, although we did have to make certain assumptions. For example, the growth in mobile phone ownership over the past 25 years has been around 20,000 fold. If we assume the same rate of growth, by 2032 there will be 40 trillion handsets in use on the earth. That could present a serious problem.

MG: Indeed Professor Dummkopf - we'd like to thank you and the institute for your time.

For further information on this story, please click here.

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